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How to Talk About Sexual Wants and Desires


Sex can be a difficult subject to approach, especially in the UK where it has been a taboo subject for many decades, especially for women. With women being hushed on all matters of the sexual variety, it’s no wonder so many feel uncomfortable about talking about what they want in the bedroom. Today, we’re getting right into it!

Why so Hush Hush?

A recent investigation demonstrated that women of all age groups struggle to communicate their sexual desires. Whilst this might, at least in part, be because it’s a generally taboo subject in British culture, it also might be because women don’t know what they want. One woman in her 40’s mentions that she went through most of her life not knowing what she wanted. An alarming number of women didn’t even expect to orgasm during sex but assumed a man nearly always would – and it looks like communicating what you want to men is part of the problem. A 2017 survey showed that 86% of lesbians orgasmed during sex compared to just 65% of their straight counterparts but 80% of women admit they will fake it! What?! We’ve got to communicate!

You Deserve it

Sexual pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of! Sexual pleasure is good for you! Sex and orgasms can relieve tension and stress, provide a natural painkiller, boost your metabolism and give you a rush of happy hormones. Sex is good for your health and you should be getting some! We understand that women’s bodies can be complex to master – and every woman wants something different, and that’s why you have to talk about your sexual wants and desires.

A Sexy Conversation

There are many ways to tell a partner your sexual desires but here are a few to get you going. Some people find that answering kinky questionnaires with their partner is a great (and somewhat anonymous) way to put out there the kind of sex you want to be having. Other women find that it’s easier to show rather than tell – so they perform for their partner in bed to show them exactly how they achieve pleasure to teach their partner. Guided sex can also be fun! Just be more verbal about what you like with some cues ‘harder’, ‘softer’, ‘slower’, ‘hold me here’, ‘kiss me there’.

Of course, a really great way to talk about what you want is to use sex toys. With toys, you can explain to a partner how they work and where to use them, making the conversation technical – and elevating your sex! If you’re not sure where to start with toys, consider using toys both of you benefit from such as a love ring, or treat your clit to a clit sucker!

With good communication, show and tell or some guided fun, anyone can master their kinks and make sure they’re getting exactly what they want in the bedroom!