Whether you're in a relationship, have a friends with benefits situation going on, or are simply enjoying your sexual freedom as and when, we've compiled a guide of the 10 biggest sex mistakes you could possibly be making! After all, there's always room for better and more orgasmic play time with a partner, right? (like adding in a new sex toy to your bedroom routine, for example).
But just for good measure, we haven't created this little how-to sex guide because you're a bad lover. We've created it because we're hoping to bring awareness to everybody that every body is different.
We all experience pleasure in our own way, and learning about these 10 sex mistakes could make both you and your partner even more sexually compatible, allowing you to enjoy all kinds of rampant intimacy. Let's dive right in...
What Are the 10 Biggest Sex Mistakes?
Some partners use subtle hints to try to tell their lover that they're in the mood for sex. A slight glance, a light touch, or saying something such as "I'm going upstairs" in a suggestive way may seem obvious for one, but another may completely overlook these subtle hints, making them all in vain. This is especially true if the one giving the hints is not usually the one who initiates sex.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Being more direct often works like a charm. Instead of using subtly, use more affirmative language and actions such as, "I'm feeling really turned on right now," whilst touch them. This leaves no room for misunderstanding.
2. Lack of Guidance
You know the saying, "Ask and you shall receive"? The same goes for sex. Some partners may feel too shy or embarrassed to ask for what they want during play time, but this often leaves them feeling unsatisfied in the bedroom.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: The truth is, communication is key in all aspects of a relationship. Guiding your partner so that they can learn what you crave will make such a big difference when it comes to your lovemaking sessions. You could do this verbally, or you could do it by guiding their hand to where you'd like to be touched. Alternatively, you could enjoy a session of mutual masturbation, giving them the chance to see you in the throes of ecstasy (and how you got there).
3. Body Flaws
When we focus on the parts of our bodies that we don't like during intimacy, it has a domino effect, hindering the ability for us to enjoy sex for what it is. It's as if our minds get so preoccupied with our flaws that we can't really enjoy the moment. And sex should be primal, amazing, firework-inducing, and sensual!
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: If you're the type of person who gets in their own head during sex, focusing on things you perceive to be a body flaw, try to focus on your breath instead. Breathe in naturally, without trying to regulate it, and at the same time, if you're a vulva owner, squeeze your pelvic muscles, which will create tension and help you to focus on the pleasurable aspect of sex.
It's so common for individuals to lose focus on pleasure and have their minds go to places far beyond the bliss that's taking place. Things such as worrying if their skills in the bedroom are good enough for their partner is a huge reason why some become worried. And this kind of overthinking reduces relaxation and the opportunity to orgasm.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Communication, communication, communication! When partners engage in sexual activity, they're both looking to be stimulated in a blissful and orgasmic way. Asking your partner what they like and enjoy, or having them say words of affirmation during the deed such as "that feels so good." will help to remove the anxieties surrounding one's skills and abilities.
5. Touch Techniques
One of the most common occurrences that happen during intimacy is that one partner will touch their lover in the way that they'd like to be touched. For example, many vulva-owners need a bit of clitoral stimulation and foreplay in order to become more aroused, whereas penis-owners are generally more to-the-point. In this way, touching their partners the way in which they'd like to be touched often results in unsatisfied lovers.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Take the time to learn about what makes your partner feel good. Do they prefer a slow build up of pleasure or do they want to skip over to the main event? For the most success, it's simply about meeting in the middle.
6. Mistaking Low Desire for Undesirability
No two people are the same when it comes to sexual desire. But when one has a higher sex drive than their partner, it may lead to them believing that they're undesirable. It could also result in feelings of guilt because they're more sexual than their partner, or feelings of rejection.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Instead of waiting to be aroused, create the opportunity to be aroused. Couples who feel as though they have mismatched sex drives could schedule times for sex, and use this time to slowly create arousal via soft and slow touches. Seduction is a great way to anticipate sex and build up sexual desire.
7. Forgetting Foreplay
Foreplay is the most underrated sexual activity, yet is actually the key to creating bouts of ecstasy for both partners in the bedroom. This is especially true for vulva-owners who need time to become aroused and to produce natural lubrication in preparation for sex.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Take your time, enjoy the slow and sensual aspect of being intimate—there's no limit when it comes to different kinds of foreplay. You could even give each other an erotic massage, use a Smart Wand Vibrator to massage their body or other sensual spots such as the nipples or inner thigh, or make out like horny high school students.
8. Sole Focus on His Performance
Society often leads us to believe that it's the penis-owner who is in charge during sex. And many couples base their sexual experience on their partner's penis. For example, if he doesn't have an erection or if he has trouble getting an erection, this could have a negative impact on both partners and result in a lack of sex or intimacy.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: It takes two to tango! Partners, of whichever gender, are equally as sexual and worthy of enjoying pleasure. Being intimate doesn't require an erect penis, and even if both partners do enjoy their partner when they're hard, there are remedies to help with this (such as using a cock ring). Either way, focusing on other body parts, using sex toys, and engaging in foreplay can be just as satisfying as penetrative sex.
9. The Touching of Certain Erogenous Zones
As we've now gathered, there's a special and erotic art to foreplay. And because so many underestimate its power, partners often go straight for the genitals, stimulating them directly, with intention and lustre. This may also be because partners believe that achieving orgasm is the entire point of being sexual.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: If couples take the time to touch other parts of each others' body, such as giving them soft kisses, caressing their thighs, gliding their fingers over their nipples, it'll help them to prepare for penetrative sex. Savour the experience, and then slowly make your way to those more intense erogenous zones for a longer and more intense sex session. Also, remember that achieving orgasm isn't the only way to enjoy sexuality. It's the journey that counts too.
10. Lack of Mental Stimulation
Many believe that sex is purely a physical act. In actuality, it's a mental, spiritual, and physical act. There are countless individuals who crave a bit of mental stimulation during sex, such as fantasising or the ability to slowly mentally prepare for the physical act of intimacy.
How to Avoid This Sex Mistake: Engaging in activities like roleplaying in the bedroom will give both partners the time to be mentally stimulated. And if roleplaying is not your thing, you could opt for some subtle foreplay, like sexting, before you begin to get physical.
Are you guilty of any of these 10 biggest sex mistakes? They're all common, and there's no shame in realising a pattern. The only thing that matters is that you're flexible and open-minded enough to make some changes that'll aid in better sex for both you and your partner! Happy playing!